Progress is rarely a straight line - or so the saying goes. For those of us who choose a life with horses, whether it be competitive or pleasure pursuits, this quote may resonate.
To clock up hours with horses requires dedication, patience, time, commitment - some would say you need the stars to align. It isn't a hobby you can pick up when you feel like it, or only on the days the sun shines, as every rider and horse owner will likely attest.
A life with horses is a lifestyle.
It is the short winter days when you are skidding over in your gumboots, face planting in mud in an effort to get your treasured herd fed. It is the groundhog days, mucking out to keep an injured animal stabled, followed by months of carefully planned rehab from weeks of hand walking and hand grazing building gradually to short rides in straight lines to eventually building back into a normal work routine over a long, slow period. It is the changing of rugs, the days with the farrier, the forking out to body workers to ensure your horse feels at his best ( even though your own back is breaking from mucking out stables and paddocks ) It is dragging out another rug to ensure your horse is at a comfortable temperature. It is the shows where you spend 7 hours of the day grooming, plaiting, mucking out, feeding, hand walking and hand grazing for 2 x 5 minute rides. It is battling in wind and rain to shift an electric taped fence to move your horse to fresh pastures, only to find that the minute the tape is moved the horses decide it is prime time to blat around at full speed and tear up any fresh ground promptly into mud.
And then when the stars start falling from the sky due to our own injuries, horse injuries or even just battling to keep on top of day to day life it can be hard to keep digging deep, dusting ourselves off and finding the energy or the will to carry on.
As I reflect on the past 18 months I feel like I have been on an injury ferris wheel of sorts between myself and my horses, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that there have been moments where I have questioned my own sanity to keep dusting myself off and trying again….
But then again - what would life be without our horses? And are we not the luckiest creatures alive to live this life with these incredible steeds.
Deep down - we know we would never have it any other way.
I decided to set out and ask 3 of the inspirational people who have had impact and influence on my journey and learning with my horses about their approaches to set backs and how they have learned to keep pushing on during challenging times.
In conversations with Dannie Lodder, Monica Spencer and Jock Paget and amongst my own research and musings this is what I learned …
Attitude of gratitude
“When you’re going through hell just keep going - my day above ground is hugely better than the person that is not!!” Dannie Lodder
An attitude of gratitude is so important. As humans our deep survival mechanisms have us hardwired to analyse threats and problems. This can lead us to focussing our attention on the problems, usually in an effort to find solutions, but this attention to the problem can sometimes make us feel surrounded by dark clouds. Taking some time each day to reflect, even for just a few moments, on the things we can be grateful for has a huge impact on our views and mental wellbeing.
There is a time and place to analyse and constructively critique - it helps in making progress and in learning and growing. But when we are wrapped up in day to day life, problems, and challenges we also need to stop and smell the roses along the way. When things are tough and the challenges feel like they keep coming, it can be hugely beneficial to take a moment to count your blessings.
“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” Dolly Parton
Studies have shown that people who practice daily gratitude experience lower levels of depression & anxiety. When you commit to spending a period of time in your day reflecting on the positive aspects of your life and the things that you are grateful for, you're less likely to dwell on negative thoughts and emotions. Like all good habits, small daily practices like “counting your blessings’ can have a huge ripple effect and contribute to how you view challenges. How motivated you could feel and help build resilience during tougher times. The little beauties in life are worth a moments contemplation - a beautiful mornings sunrise, the sparkling green grass in the morning dew, a coffee shared with a good friend, the laughter of a child....when you start reflecting the list begins to grow.
Growth mindset
“If things don’t go to plan, make a new plan. Remember why I do it, for the love of horses ,the love of adventure and the journey. Remember life is about learning and learning to enjoy the journey.” Monica Spencer
Mindset is critical to happiness, success, relationships, and fulfilment. People who believe their talents can be developed through hard work, good training, and input from others eg coaching ) have a growth mindset. They tend to achieve more than those with a fixed mindset (the belief that abilities are innate and unchangeable.). People with a growth mindset tend to worry less about appearing talented and put more energy into learning. The good news here is that anyone can learn to function with a growth mindset and adjust their outlook to seeing opportunities in challenges rather than feeling that challenges are uncontrollable or out of their hands.
“Adopt a mindset towards action. “Inspiration is for amateurs.” The rest of us just show up and get to work. Every great idea I’ve ever had grew out of work itself.” Chuck Close
“Most people approach work and motivation in the completely opposite way “ writes Mark Manson - author of The Secret Art of not giving a Fuck “They wait to be inspired, then they get to work. The problem is that inspiration is a fickle beast. Some people will wait around forever for inspiration to just fall out of the sky. Others spend all their time and energy looking for ways to motivate themselves so they can finally get to work. And the irony of that sentence is completely lost on them.”
The message here is to turn inspiration on its head….what if showing up, doing the hard yards, making a plan and taking the first step could be the answer to feeling inspired? Perhaps it is action we must take in order to feel inspired, rather than inspiration fuelling our actions?
A good friend who I deeply respect for her work ethic and ability to stick to a plan, show up no matter what and put in the work once remarked - “the harder I work, the luckier I get”
“I can't see a way through," said the boy. "Can you see your next step?" "Yes." "Just take that," said the horse.” Charlie Mackesey from The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse.
Motivational author and speaker Mel Robbins famously quoted - Motivation is Garbage! In her first book - the 5 second rule, Mel lays to bed any ideals that inspiration or motivation are the first step in the progress towards any kind of transformation.
“The moment you accept that motivation is garbage, everything changes. You don’t have to wait until you’re ready. You don’t have to wait until you “feel like it.” You don’t have to wait for a moment of inspiration to strike in order to transform your life. All this time, you’ve been waiting for the motivation to stand up, take control, and do something with your life, your career, your family…But what you need to know is this:
The motivation you need may never come at all. Because motivation is garbage. You’re thinking about it the wrong way. The moment you accept that motivation is garbage, everything in your life changes. Everything you’re putting off, every dream you defer, every goal you set aside can finally come true. “ Mel Robbins - the 5 second rule.
Personally I think motivation is a subjective idea and probably affects every individual a little differently. I enjoy having a plan and I never see this as a contract. I think it helps to be brave about goals and planning - shoot for the moon and you might reach the stars. I also think Mel Robbins is onto something here though. If you can push through how you are “feeling” and stick to the plan you are far more likely to achieve something in your day. It's that drive to push yourself out of bed at 5.30am and take the walk you promised yourself the night before, or get the horses ridden ahead of a big work day - even though you might feel a little tired.
“A habit missed once is a mistake, a habit missed twice is the start of a new habit…never miss two days in a row” James Clear
Planning and goal setting
“Clear goals are essential. If you’re clear about what you’re shooting at and you want it bad enough, the motivation is there for free, it’s just about keeping focused on what matters to the goal.” Jock Paget
Take a minute to reflect on something you wanted, wished for or decided to target 10 years ago. Chances are you have now achieved it or at least headed in the right direction. I bet if you asked yourself 10 years ago if you thought you would have achieved that very thing in 10 years = the answer may be no.
Plans and goals are powerful tools - the more specific the better.
Goal setting motivates you to brainstorm tasks you wish to finish. When you accomplish these tasks and meet your goals, you feel a sense of satisfaction and this fuels motivation and helps you to feel inspired to carry on.
Goal setting can be a powerful tool for equestrians regardless of whether the rider is competitive or pleasure focused. It helps to keep our actions clear, specific and consistent….something your horse will likely thank you for as horses love consistency!
In a competition setting it can be hugely valuable to set your own goals and focus your attention at events on achieving your personal best - thus competing with yourself.
I'll be the first to admit that dealing with show nerves and pressure is something that I can find challenging at the best of times.
In a conversation with a top coach I learned that one of the best ways to settle my nerves was to focus on the elements I could control. In doing this, the white noise of the situation starts to fade away and I find I have a better shot at riding to the best of my ability whilst in the ring.
It is useful to strike a balance with goals to ensure that you have some you feel are within reach, but also to challenge yourself by setting a goal or 2 that feels a bit like reaching for the moon. Setting realistic goals for yourself can give you the confidence to know that eventually you’ll accomplish them. But your goals are not a contract so what harm is there in setting a couple that might at first glance seem a little bit of a reach to attain? Perhaps you may not have a clear idea of how you will reach them initially but if you can map out the first step and take it, then the next step should present itself. It is a trust the process kind of approach.
I always loved the following quote from the late David Bowie :
“If you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”
So what will you do this season to support yourself when times are tough? Will you create a space in your day to day life to count your blessings? To take a moment to reflect on the day and acknowledge the wonderful moments that deserve a smile or a moment of appreciation?
Will you think about your challenges from a new perspective and embrace a growth mindset? Endeavouring to be excited and ready to learn from the hurdles that you face?
Or will you get clear about your goals with your horse to help fuel motivation and energize you for the journey ahead.
I think I am going to take a minute to try to incorporate all 3 of these top tips and approaches from the people that inspired me to write this blog. What have I got to lose?
To finish with a moment of gratitude I'd like to give thanks to all the horses I have been so fortunate to partner with. For the love shared, the lessons that I continue to learn, for the exhilaration of galloping through fields or across beaches, for the times shared on the trail with a great friend, for the times I have been coerced into a 5am start to support a fitness regime for a friends eventing steeds, for the moments that I've laughed and even the times I have cried….for the life that we are so fortunate to share with our gracious and magnificent horses.
They are so very worth the effort after all!